sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
