he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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