I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
from now on my penis is your penis
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
