Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
