I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
