You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
this will be a night to untag.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
