Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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