non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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