He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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