Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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