In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
