Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
