Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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