just tell him i said nine months
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
