she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
