he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
