I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
