discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
