Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
