Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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