Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
