i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Dear god my vagina.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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