I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just blew my weed a kiss
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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