please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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