So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I looked at my own cervix.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
