her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
operation harelip BJ is a go
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
