shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
