On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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