I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
