I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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