She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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