Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
