he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I was not drunk enough for that final.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
