Im at strip club and am horny
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
