This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
