You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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