whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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