addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
