I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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