One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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