i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
