I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i drank out of a bidet.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
