Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
