So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
