I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My dick has a subreddit
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
