at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
