i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
