Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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