Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
