um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
