Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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